Random Acts of Kindness in Play
Can people truly do random acts of kindness out of pure altruism, exempt from some external moral code such as religion?
By Lily Yuan, Featured Writer.
There are only so many incidences that have struck me so out of the blue—which I later found out are coined random acts of kindness. The ones completely off-camera and unplanned, since the need for views defeats the purpose of the act. These acts take on a large role in positive psychology and therapy, where we can reframe our mindsets and take on a brighter vantage point.
Let’s start with my (very random!) personal experiences with random acts of kindness.
My first memory was when I, a ditzy and bright-eyed 4-year-old, got lost on Toronto’s infamous centre island during a festival. With crowds of multicultural food stands, flashy costumes, and loud music everywhere, my younger self wanted to wander everywhere. And so naturally, as a kid who had zero sense of direction and potential danger—I started to explore.
A group of young adults took me under their wing for the time being and made me smile. They blew bubbles, sang songs, and played jump rope with me. They even taught me a few skipping tricks! I thought they were the coolest outdoor babysitters ever. It took my parents around 2 hours to find me on this island. And the entire time, I was blissfully unaware.
Then, in my late teens, I was exploring a small town solo on a day trip and (surprise, surprise!) got lost again. It was different this time—I was fully conscious I had absolutely zero clue where I was going. Cold sweat. There was a quaint little Mexican restaurant at the end of my block, and I hastily went in to grab a quick bite. By this point, I was beyond plain hungry—I was famished.
The head chef greeted me, “And what would you like today, miss?” I chose the spicy chicken burrito with extra guacamole and tapped my card—which surprisingly declined. Again. And again. By the second tap, a middle-aged man walked in, “I got it. Don’t worry, enjoy.” I smiled and said thanks. He promptly grabbed his take-out order and headed right out.
The last account of a random act of kindness actually happened way before I was a sentient being, in the case of my great-grandmother. She was caring towards her barn animals and several children, and would always give a bowl (or two) of food to a passing stranger who was hungry. All of her children (e.g. my grandparents) had wonderful recounts of her benevolent deeds.
Some passers-by would angrily refuse the food and ask (or demand) for money instead. My grandmother would gently ask again if they would like some food, only to be scoffed at. Her children would ask her, “Mother, how do you remain calm and collected during times like these, when you have every right to be angry?” She would simply smile and say, “A peaceful and humble heart heals the soul.”
Each experience had me wondering: can people truly do random acts of kindness out of pure altruism, exempt from some external moral code (e.g. religion)? Is there always a spiritual code of conduct behind such actions? Why are random acts of kindness so impactful? I dug further into the role altruism plays in the universal human experience.
According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, altruistic behavior is defined by its “motivation by desire to benefit someone other than oneself for that person’s sake,” or “acting in another person’s best interests,” which is the opposite of being self-centered or selfish. In other words, it’s the desire to give without expecting anything in return.
Philosophers look at the opposite side of altruism, which is coined egoism. The belief that our actions are motivated by self-interest and gain. In a moral sense, both views can be attributed to our innate desire to survive—whether that be through maintaining good connections or prioritizing self-preservation. Still, a “survival of the fittest.”
Random Acts of Kindness: Case Study
A case study shows that these random acts of kindness help to reduce depression in individuals who score low on the Agreeableness (A) trait on the Big Five or Five Factor Model (FFM) of personality. These individuals experienced less stress and an increase in life satisfaction when exposed to compassion interventions, such as the loving-kindness meditation (LKM).
Positive psychologists and psychiatrists agree that compassion builds strong bonds and helps with mental health and mood regulation. Typically, individuals who score lower on Agreeableness can generally be described as indifferent to others, aloof, self-centered, hostile, competitive, and low on empathy. Some articles even put antagonistic as a descriptor.
I wondered, are there any positives to low Agreeableness? Yes—individuals are more likely to have stronger morals and stand by them even when challenged. They refuse to sacrifice their authenticity in order to please everyone, and tend to earn more as they tend to have tunnel vision towards their own goals and interests.
Generosity and kindness go a long way. The lady who helps out at the soup kitchen for two hours every weekend, to the passer-by who lent a hand to someone who was carrying many groceries. It's when a friend lends a shoulder to cry on or drops by to say how much they care, just because. Simply put, it’s kind to be kind!
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said...what you did...but will never forget how you made them feel.”
References
Baskerville, Kim & Johnson, Kevin & Monk-Turner, Elizabeth & Slone, Quita & Stansburg, S. & Standley, Helen & Williams, Mirta & Young, Jamie. (2000). Reactions to Random Acts of Kindness. Social Science Journal. 37. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0362-3319(00)00062-8.
Buchanan, K. E., & Bardi, A. (2010). Acts of kindness and acts of novelty affect life satisfaction. The Journal of social psychology, 150(3), 235–237. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224540903365554.
Gerald C. T. (1995). Random Acts of Kindness. Postgraduate medicine, 97(2), 15–16. https://doi.org/10.1080/00325481.1995.11945955.
Kao A. (2003). Random acts of kindness: sustaining the morale and morals of professionalism. The virtual mentor : VM, 5(3), virtualmentor.2003.5.3.oped1-0303. https://doi.org/10.1001/virtualmentor.2003.5.3.oped1-0303.
Mongrain, Myriam & Barnes, Caroline & Barnhart, Ryan & Zalan, Leah. (2018). Acts of kindness reduce depression in individuals low on agreeableness. Translational Issues in Psychological Science. 4. 323-334. https://doi.org/10.1037/tps0000168.
Passmore, Jonathan & Oades, Lindsay. (2015). Passmore, J. & Oades, L. G. (2015). Positive Psychology Coaching Techniques: Random Acts of Kindness, Consistent Acts of Kindness & Empathy. The Coaching Psychologist. 11(2), 90-92.. The Coaching Psychologist. 11. 90-92.