Shhhh!
Being an introvert in an extroverts’ world is something many people feel they must hide. Much of an introvert’s day, especially at work, is spent “putting on a show”; pretending to be extrovert when they’re not.
By Charlotte Sheridan, Featured Writer.
For many, Covid-19 is the nightmare that has visited since March 2020. We’ve hunkered down in storm-lashed houses, afraid to leave in case the tornado whips us away like Dorothy in ‘The Wizard of Oz’. Recently though, we’ve started emerging, stepping outside to check the damage. Some have lost friends or loved ones - others are picking up the pieces from a damaged career. Many are tackling a collective weight gain that could sink a ship.
But for some, this time has been a respite in a life fraught with challenge. I spoke to Teresa a year ago during a major lock-down in the UK:
“I feel as though lockdown is revealing to a lot of extroverts what the ‘real world’ can be like for introverts. . . and for once we are gaining the upper hand because they are entering our comfortable place.”
I asked her what she meant by this. She said that at work, she was “exposed” (her word not mine) to a lot “of people who are highly confident, popular social-beings.” Teresa felt as though she was on a “level pegging” now, since working from home was a better fit for her, but less so for the extroverts. Being in the office was the opposite:
“I’m aware that as other people are struggling and feeling deflated, I’m gaining more belief in myself because I know that being at home is where I excel far better than others.”
For Teresa, spending more time by herself was wonderful and she really came alive.
Former lawyer and self-professed introvert, Susan Cain, wrote an excellent book back in 2012 – ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking’. I highly recommend reading this, as it’s useful whether you’re an extrovert trying to learn more about introverts - or an introvert trying to make sense of a world designed by, and for, extroverts.
This is what she says about being an introvert:
“Introverts…. may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk but enjoy deep discussions.”
“Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools because they have to say something.”
- Plato (Greek philosopher).
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you are shy - since you can be shy and be an extrovert. Being introverted can also be situation-dependent; we all have a little bit of introversion or extraversion within us, depending on the context. Introversion isn’t a dislike of people either and it definitely isn’t something we need to fix. In an interview with 'Goodreads', Cain said:
“there is a social stigma to say that you are an introvert. There is this core feature of ourselves that people have not felt comfortable talking about. I think most introverts who are capable of passing as extroverts choose to do that and don't speak about their true selves. They may not even acknowledge it to themselves.”
If you can relate to this, then perhaps you’re an introvert. Making fun of her introversion, Teresa explained:
“Things are now on my terms; except that no one knows it yet because I’ve not revealed how I’m feeling to other people!”
This is an introvert’s joke I came across on social media:
Now that many of us are tentatively going back to our workplaces, I want to share how I feel about workspaces: open-plan offices are the devil’s work. OK, that’s extreme I know, but I’m an extravert and I hate to look at the row upon row of humans tapping at keyboards as far as the eye can see. Open-plan offices have been around since 2005, which was when Google revealed their new headquarters ‘The Googleplex’ in Mountain View, California. It was like a spaceship had landed – with a bowling alley, volleyball courts, sleep pods and wide-open spaces for thousands of people to work in banks of desks like chickens in a glorified coop. As this was Google, and Google was a bright star, everyone had to follow suit.
Clive Wilkinson was the architect who designed the Googleplex and he said this in a 2019 'Fast Company' article: “The attitude was: We're inventing a new world, why do we need the old world?" Unfortunately, this is how we humans roll. We look forwards, never backwards. We threw out those stuffy little rooms and threw open our arms to cavernous spaces. But like any invention we dream up, it works for some and not others. Open-plan offices are handy for the corporate bosses - they can monitor their people and it saves them a wedge of cash, as there are fewer walls to build. Open-plan offices don’t help the rest of us though.
“Quiet people have the loudest minds“
- Stephen Hawking (theoretical physicist and cosmologist).
Now, if extroverts like me dislike open-plan offices, just think about the complete nightmare it likely brings for introverts. This is Teresa again:
“I have been really enjoying how quiet, peaceful and relaxed life is. . . I’m slightly dreading the thought of the noise, hustle and bustle that could explode when people are set free again.”
So much research has been done on open-plan offices that it’s clear this way of working just doesn’t, well, work. Viruses and bacteria don’t differentiate between personality types, so whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, they create much higher levels of infection for all. This from the ‘Fast Company’:
“people in open offices take nearly two-thirds more sick leave and report greater unhappiness, more stress, and less productivity than those with more privacy.”
They also cite a 2018 study by 'Harvard Business School':
“open offices reduce face-to-face interaction by about 70% and increase email and messaging by roughly 50%, shattering the notion that they make workers collaborative.”
The noise and the palaver of an open-plan office lands heavily on top of an introvert’s daily challenge. That’s because being an introvert in an extroverts’ world is something many people feel they must hide. Much of an introvert’s day, especially at work, is spent “putting on a show”; pretending to be extrovert when they’re not. Think about the stress and strain this causes and the impact it has upon energy levels and wellbeing. Working in an open-plan office just exacerbates this problem. Too much noise, too much stimulation. A place where it’s hard to think.
So, I have a challenge for all you introverts out there: stand up for your rights! Now that employers are more flexible about where you work, why not ask for more time to work from home? Or if you do need to be in the office, try to seek out quiet places where you can really concentrate. You could also bring in headphones - even if you don’t listen to music, just leave them on as it reduces the amount of interruption you’ll get. If the background noise is too much, there are plenty of white noise tracks you can use to block out other sounds. If you find yourself distracted visually, try selecting a desk that faces away from people or one that’s in front of a wall. Also, make sure you take plenty of breaks - to walk around the block or a local park. Whatever you do, make sure you have time alone at some point during the day. One final option is to print out this ‘Introverts Club Logo’ below. It could be a way of telling your colleagues more about who you are and what you need to do stellar work.
By Charlotte Sheridan, Featured Writer.
I’m Charlotte and I'm a writer and coaching psychologist. I help people find meaning, purpose and direction, so they can make real shifts in their lives. In 2020 I interviewed over 100 people going through change and 72 hours of conversation has given me a fantastic research base for my blog, Spoon by Spoon.
I'll be writing and podcasting about career psychology and how our work can help us feel well and happy but can also impact our mental health. If you’re at a crossroads in your own career or life check out my website here to see if coaching could help you too.