Swim, Jump or Fly? It’s Up to You
The idea of career change as a fish, a grasshopper and a butterfly has worked well with my clients, particularly those at a crossroads, unsure which way to go. So, if you’re in the same position it may be helpful to ask yourself this: how far do I need to shift?
By Charlotte Sheridan, Featured Writer.
If you love your career then this blog post isn’t for you - nothing for you here, please skip on by. If you’re a “Sunday night dreader”, a “wishing away the weeker”, or “isn’t there more to life than this-er” then welcome. Please dip your toes in, the water is warm.
Last year I spoke to over a hundred people going through change in their lives. Most of them were unhappy with their work – lost and unsure where to go next. After I’d got to forty conversations or so I saw a pattern - three types of people, all wanting change but needing different solutions. There were some who wanted a radical shift, something utterly different. Accountants who wanted to be actors, marketeers who wanted to be mid-wives, teachers who wanted to walk the tightrope. OK, I admit it, I made that last one up.
There was a second group of people who liked bits of their work but hated the rest. Some aspects of their roles were like comfortable old jeans, others like wearing someone else’s smelly shoes – hard not to curl your toes up in disgust. There was a third group who didn’t mind their roles too much. Perhaps they were a bit bored and needed a change. Or the “what” of their work was fine, but the “how” was a bad fit. Introverts who had to talk all day, forestry consultants who were chained to their laptops, mavericks and entrepreneurs tied to rule-bound institutions.
One day I was working with a coaching client, tackling this very topic: she wanted to change career but wasn’t sure where to start. I asked: “Do you just need to shimmy, or to jump into a different role, or do you want to launch yourself into a whole new career?” She paused so I asked it in a different way: “Are you a fish, a grasshopper or a butterfly – swim, jump or fly?” This unlocked a new conversation, and we were on our way.
The point is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater – we don’t need to toss out skills that we’ve acquired over years. They might come in handy. Knowing how far to step can save us time - why go down wildly different paths if a few tweaks here and there might do. Why make a feast when perhaps we just need a sandwich?
I’ve been a “wishing away the weeker” myself. After years in consulting I was fed up. Sunday nights were the worst, often travelling, expected in the client’s office early Monday morning, whatever the country. On these long journeys I had flights of fancy - could I reinvent myself and do something totally different? Something that didn’t involve laptops, spreadsheets or curled up sandwiches on the last train to Inverness? Could I be a butterfly and launch myself into a new career?
I tried random things in my spare time: hours inside sweaty beekeeping outfits; talking to alpaca owners about breeding as a business; courses in de-cluttering followed by raking out smelly shoes from under peoples’ beds. Did I mention curling toes in disgust? And where have I ended up? Back where I started, applying all the skills I used before. So why do I skip into my office every day if nothing has changed? Well, fundamentally it’s because I hadn’t understood the “what” from the “how”: it wasn’t the work I didn’t like it was the way I did that work. Rather than a butterfly, I discovered I’m a fish. I now work for myself doing much the same as I did before.
Here are some examples of other peoples’ career changes, through the lens of a fish, a grasshopper and a butterfly:
Steven dreamt of being a sports journalist since he was the tender age of 10. But despite achieving his life-long goal, by his mid-30’s he wasn’t happy at work. It came to a head one day when he felt he “was doing the wrong thing entirely.” Over time this recurring thought and the long hours both impacted his health - “I literally couldn't switch off from work. It was absolutely consuming me. And something had to change.”
Fish often like the “what” or the “how”, but not both. Steven had an epiphany whilst talking to others career changers. “They described what they were passionate about and their jobs. These two things were completely different. When I spoke about what I was passionate about as a child, what I'm passionate about now, and my job, well… all of them aligned.” He said it “wasn’t that I was in the wrong line of work, I was just doing it wrong.” Summing up this period of his life Steven said: “my journey took me all the way back to exactly where I was. I was just happier.” So how did he get there?
Steven worked slowly to make changes: “none of it has been a sudden revelation. All of it has been just a little change here and there.” The biggest shift was his mind-set: “I realised that if I was going to progress my career, it was relationships that mattered. I was less obsessed with getting everything right. I was more concerned about the impact it was making.”
So, how is he now? “Once I made peace with that, everything started to roll. Everything started to just work. And I began to allow myself to just enjoy what I was doing at work, rather than worrying about where it was all leading.”
Walter worked as a butcher, but his wife’s family were all successful businessmen and he felt he couldn’t keep up. He worried his wife had married a “duff one”, that she would think: “the rest have got these big flash houses. I'm not going to get that.”
One day Walter’s brother-in-law rang him up with a job offer. He was very persuasive: “Jack your job in, we'll give you a company car, laptop. Drive around country, meet all the project managers, find out what they do. Bosh, you're done. We'll give you 30 grand a year.” In his gut Walter felt it would never be a good fit but, “I stumbled and ahhed and stumbled and ahhed and then just said, ‘Yeah.’”
Walter worked as a project manager for a decade even though he was deeply unhappy. “I always felt a bit of a charlatan in the role. Like I was going to get found out. I've never felt like I fitted in with the people really.” He got more and more anxious over time: “Pressure, pressure, pressure - being in a job where the workload is so much that it's impossible to succeed. You had to be able to handle continual small failures. Let fires burn and just deal with the biggest one. You're dealing with fallout all the time.”
Eventually, Walter was signed off with stress - it took a long time for him to find his feet again. But now he has set up on his own, turning two of his hobbies into successful businesses – professional dog walking and pet portraiture photography. In fact, his photography business is growing so quickly he needs to close the other one down. Despite his earlier fears, his wife is really proud of him.
As a grasshopper, Walter jumped sideways – a career shift that used his project management skills but meant he could also plough his own furrow. He enjoys the work and it fits his personality much better. He has also re-assessed what success means to him: “You don't have to follow this expectation of what you should do through life. It could be in a very different form. And it's better if it's something that fits you.”
Cecilia worked as a corporate lawyer for 13 years. “I can honestly say it wasn't a job I ever wanted to do. It was the path I ended up on due to my parents thinking it was a good idea. A lot of people go into a job, love it but then fall out of love. I never loved what I did. I was never doing what I wanted.”
She tried to make it work by “moving countries, moving companies, moving industry, going from private practice to in-house. Hoping that something would click so I could say, ‘now I'm doing what I love.’” But none of it helped. Instead, Cecilia put up with being unhappy for years, “I came to accept it and just thought, well that's life. You know, it's work. You don't have to love it.” It surprised her when she met people who enjoyed their work and assumed, “They were lying because how can anyone enjoy what they do?”
The final straw came on a day that most people would wish for: she was offered a fantastic promotion - the role of General Counsel. “The pinnacle of my career, but the idea of taking it made me feel physically sick. Ironically, it was what led me to resign.” For Cecilia it was existential - “I wasn’t really living an authentic life. I was having to battle against this, every single day. No wonder I was exhausted. No wonder I was burning out. That's a very emotionally, mentally and physically draining environment to be in.”
So where is Cecilia now? When we last spoke she was in full butterfly mode, flying to Indonesia for divemaster training, followed by yoga teacher training. This may not be her final career destination - as we all know butterflies flit from place to place, never landing for too long. Wherever Cecilia ends up her plan is to, “focus on doing things that give me pleasure and enjoyment. Seeing if that could lead into a career. Or it might just be a way to meet people who can open my eyes to different ways of life, different ways of living, different priorities.”
The idea of career change as a fish, a grasshopper and a butterfly has worked well with my clients, particularly those at a crossroads, unsure which way to go. So, if you’re in the same position it may be helpful to ask yourself this: how far do I need to shift? Would it work to swim to something adjacent, perhaps negotiating a different shape of role? Could I lose the parts I dislike and keep the ones that fit? Or, could I move to something different, but in the same organisation?
Perhaps you are a grasshopper. If so ask yourself this: do I want to jump into something a bit different? Do I need to find a new role that uses my transferrable skills, but is in a different sector or different type of organisation? Or is it the “how” that’s the issue? Do I love my work but hate being in an office? Or is it the hours that aren’t right?
Finally, if you’ve tried on the above and they don’t fit, then perhaps you are a butterfly - nothing other than reinvention will do. Just go easy on yourself, don’t be too impatient. Butterflies don’t fly in straight lines, so where you end up may be unexpected.
By Charlotte Sheridan, Featured Writer.
I’m Charlotte and I'm a writer and coaching psychologist. I help people find meaning, purpose and direction, so they can make real shifts in their lives. In 2020 I interviewed over 100 people going through change and 72 hours of conversation has given me a fantastic research base for my blog, Spoon by Spoon.
I'll be writing and podcasting about career psychology and how our work can help us feel well and happy but can also impact our mental health. If you’re at a crossroads in your own career or life check out my website here to see if coaching could help you too.