The Strong Girl
"You are the strongest person I know."
They preach to her as she smiles blankly, her eyes strain as she grits her teeth to keep the pain at bay.
She puzzles, how can everyone be so mistaken, for surely strong people cannot feel so much agony? If they were able to withstand life's taunts, why is it the pain never lessens?
To be the strong person that is forever breaking, is the biggest confusion one can ever face.
"Able to withstand force, pressure or wear."
The fundamentals of strength would imply unbreakable, don't you think?
NEVERTHELESS,
IT TAKES TRUE STRENGTH TO BREAK, MY SWEET.
Strong people are not that way without the struggles faced along the journey.
You cannot appreciate the stars and how they glisten, until the sky fills with darkness.
Cold, empty darkness.
True strength can only be experienced and admired alongside true turmoil.
Strength is built, reinforced and earned - never gifted.
No pain, no gain.
It is a cliché, that what does not kill you will make you stronger;
SAY IT A LITTLE LOUDER FOR THOSE AT THE BACK.
But, what is pain?
In the last year I have lost my grandad, my boyfriend (though he returned), my aunty and finally my boyfriend once again - LOST.
Loss, betrayal, confusion, emptiness, suffering, exhaustion, struggle – no matter the label or experience - pain wears many a mask, but we have all made it's acquaintance.
But the kind of pain that one will never forget; crying on the bathroom floor, the breathlessness, the utter bewilderment as you and only you whisper to yourself 'it will be okay'; that pain is both our worst enemy and our best friend.
I have always thrived in the darkness of such places; for in darkness there is always potential for light to glisten.
Though, without strength there is no pain.
Do you know what enables you to feel so deeply? So deeply that it shakes your very core.
Why is it that you are consumed by such feelings whilst they brush past the shoulders of others? Whilst they consume every part of you.
How is it that you are always the one left in pieces? Even after you worked tirelessly to put yourself back together. Again.
I used to think that maybe I was the weaker person, the vulnerable one, the foolish one -
fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on ……. ?
Truly though, what a shallow life one would live if they were unable to revel in the all-consuming emotions; even those that may very nearly kill us.
Do you know what enables you to feel so deeply?
That is strength, my dear.
Pain and strength feed one another, they thrive from one another's existence.
She sat there, alone - once again - questioning her very being, for she had let herself sink so far that the depths very nearly swallowed her. She promised herself, never again.
But, why not?
The pain you feel, that is a gift, and you owe it to yourself to feel every ounce of it.
That pain serves as a reminder of your undeniable and unconditional ability to open yourself to the feelings of life in more ways than anyone could imagine.
From that pain will breed resilience; the price you must pay to feel happiness, love and enjoyment so deeply - is to acknowledge that the piper must be paid in tears - to truly LIVE life, one must indulge in both its delights and its expenses (even if the cost is emotional).
Just know, you are blessed with the ability to not only withstand - but to feel - is that not what life is destined for?
One of the most frustrating accomplishments.
Strength is both beautiful AND tiresome.
How so?
Because every time you are hurting it would appear the only words people can utter is how strong you are - you will be okay - because you must be, because you always are.
But once,
maybe just once,
you don't want to be the strong one, why should you have to be once again. What if this time, you truly cannot be okay?
Do they not recognise your pain? As it resonates through every fibre of your being.
Can they not see the red flecks in your eyes? As they sting in the bright light of day.
Is the exhaustion not recognisable in your voice? As it almost cracks with every spoken word.
There is nothing more heart-breaking, than being told by the person whom tore your heart apart - how strong you are - as if it offers justification, as if that makes it all okay, as if that means the pain they put you through was warranted; because you will eventually be okay in the end, right? So why should they sweat?
Even those that love you and want the best for you, those that do their best to make you happy, will sometimes fail to understand the burden of being the strong one; they whisper the words with an essence of comfort, not realising how condemning their impact can be.
You must never forget to own that title with pride - even if sometimes the weight it bears causes you to buckle - so many people wish they could have just a fraction of that strength.
Sharing is caring.
My dear,
once you recognise the worthwhileness of the pain that haunts you and the beauty of the struggle - once you acknowledge how far you have risen and how far you continue to rise despite all else - once you appreciate the magnificence of your strength; you must go further than supporting yourself.
A problem shared is a problem halved, after all.
Those who label you as the strong girl, do so with love and nurture; pay them the kindness they deserve in return (even when the words wear thin).
Do you want to know the greatest pleasure of being the strong girl?
You have an undeniable ability to help those around you, to pull them from the depths on your way back up to the fresh, light air; you can save more than just yourself.
Tread carefully - not all of those around deserve such dedication - but listen closely for the sincerity immersed in the words of those that crown you.
One of life's biggest pleasures is being able to support those that support you - even when you are unsure of your ability to support yourself; not many people can bear other's weight whilst desperately holding their own.
Of course, I am not insinuating that you must piggy back all those around you.
But the strength you have built, the depth you are able to feel, the pain you can recognise from a mile away - all of this - gives you the ability to truly help the ones you love.
I can promise you they are grateful.
At the end of the day, no matter the day, life can be cruel; even the kindest of souls, the deepest of lovers and the happiest of humans; are going to suffer - including you - experience this, learn from this, build from this
AND THEN, pour it into the love and promotion you contribute to other's well-being.
Even the heaviest of burdens can be the greatest of blessings,
in disguise.
By featured writer, Jessica Young. See ‘Team’ for more information and contact details.