Tips on Safely Leaving an Abusive Partner
Guest Written by Sophie Letts, from Meditationhelp.net.
One of the scariest situations you can find yourself in is living with someone who is physically abusing you. Escape can feel next to impossible, especially since, as Healthline notes, abusers are often highly controlling and hypervigilant of your actions. However, despite the challenges involved, leaving your current living situation is an absolute must to ensure your safety.
The Room – Psy shares five effective strategies for safely escaping your current home and relocating to a secure new residence.
Do not provide any clues about your plans to move
First and foremost, you must not provide any clues to your abusive partner about your plans to move. This includes keeping your internet history (on your phone and computer) free of home/apartment searches. It also includes leaving your packing until the last minute and avoiding phone conversations about the move while your partner is home.
Also, while it may seem obvious to some, do not tell your partner about wanting to move. This could cause them to erupt into a violent rage, which can be extremely dangerous. Be as careful as you can when planning your escape.
Find a safe, temporary place to live
While making sure to keep all clues about your move a secret, you will need to find a safe and temporary place to live immediately after leaving home. This could be a friend’s house, a local shelter, a family member’s house, or a hotel. The most important consideration to make is to have your selected place be somewhere that isn’t obvious. If your abusive partner knows that you often visit a specific friend or family member, they may try to find you at this person’s home.
If there is a domestic abuse program in your town, enquire about what kind of services they offer. Many provide free or low-cost housing options that are completely private. If you suspect that your abuser would come looking for you once you leave, this is definitely the best route to explore. Not only does this protect you, but it also protects your friends and family members.
You’ll want to prepare your new abode to create a safe haven, which means clearing the air of anything that causes undue stress and anxiety. You’ve already been through enough – make your living space a place where you can relax, find comfort, and heal. This doesn’t need to be complicated; a few simple steps like decluttering, cleaning, and incorporating a few houseplants are all good first steps. Aromatherapy is also a good idea, as is letting in as much natural light as possible.
Only bring the essentials
Since you’ll have only minutes or hours to pack, plan on bringing only the essentials. Pack up your favorite clothing items, pictures, valuable items (e.g., jewelry), and anything else you don’t want to risk losing. Once you leave, your abuser may throw away or sell any items left behind.
In preparation for your move, make a mental checklist of everything you want to bring with you. As a reminder, do not write out a physical list, as this could be found by your abuser. Consider how much space you will have in the suitcases and bags you are able to bring.
On the day you will be leaving home, pack everything as quickly as possible. Take every step to ensure that your abuser will be away from home for an extended period of time. It is best to do this if they will be out of town or when they are at work. Have your transportation ready and waiting to drive you away at a moment's notice.
Do not share your location publicly
While staying at your temporary residence, Lifewire suggests never sharing your location publicly. If possible, avoid sharing your whereabouts with anyone. Your abuser can employ deceptive strategies to find out where you are staying, so always be aware of what you are putting online and what you are sharing with others.
Browse available apartments and homes
During your stay at your new residence, you can begin your search for a new home. Whether you are planning on renting an apartment or buying a house, it is important to calculate your home affordability. You can establish your budget by assessing your income, how much you have saved, your monthly spending, and available loan types.
During this process, it is wise to seek advice and support from trained professionals. Find local counselors and organizations that specialize in helping individuals escape and heal from domestic abuse so that you have an ally during and after this challenging time.
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Guest Written by Sophie Letts
from Meditationhelp.net.