Desperately Seeking Support: Where can we turn when no one will listen?

By Abbie Magowan, Psychology Undergraduate Student.

TW: Anxiety, depression, eating disorder, panic attacks, vomit.

It took a lot for me to go to the doctor. A whole lot. A whole lot of nights spent sitting up in bed, rocking back and forth until 2 or 3 am with my heart racing and my stomach turning. Intense, overwhelming panic attacks had become a daily occurrence in my life and were seriously hindering my ability to carry out daily tasks. Fellow anxiety sufferers will relate to this all too well – the subtle physiological changes creeping up on you, hinting at what is to come. The panic sneaking up behind you as you try desperately to fight it off, especially in work where it isn’t acceptable to collapse onto the floor and take deep, steady breaths. Trying to keep a straight face and calm composure whilst speaking to a customer, when in reality you’re on the verge of vomiting and you have pins and needles in both hands. Finally, after months of suffering from these symptoms daily, I convinced myself to see a doctor. I left with a prescription and the go-ahead to begin CBT. I found myself a therapist who I got along with and after a few sessions, began to trust.

Then COVID-19 was introduced to our lives.

I received a phone call to tell me that my appointment was cancelled as my therapist had been advised to self-isolate but not to worry, as they would be back to work in 7 days and would phone me to rearrange our session. That phone call never came. As we entered lockdown, I continued to feel heightened levels of anxiety combined with extremely low mood, worsened by the lack of support I was receiving. I could understand how the coronavirus outbreak was out of anyone’s control – mine or my therapist’s – but I couldn’t help but feel so devastated that this support had to end so abruptly. It had taken an enormous amount of strength and convincing for me to seek out this help in the first place and I was so proud of my progress only to feel like it had been all for nothing. CBT is a long, laborious and repetitive process that requires a great amount of emotional energy. Any progress I had made now feels as though it has been completely discarded, and I worry that I will struggle to find the strength to restart therapy at square one once this is all over.

In the overall scheme of things, I am one of the lower-risk individuals. What will happen to those high-risk patients who may be actively suicidal now that A&E is no longer one of the few places they feel safe turning to during a mental health crisis? Where will they go, who will listen? What will be the fate of the many patients who are currently being discharged prematurely from psychiatric wards?

Despite feeling as though I were incredibly alone in this situation, this could not have been further from the truth. After reaching out and asking others to share their experiences, I was completely shocked and disgusted at the treatment that mental health service users have been subjected to. Anonymous X told me: “I have been informed that my next appointment with my psychiatrist will most likely not be until the end of July (hopefully) when it was supposed to be mid-May. I am awaiting a meeting with a dietitian as my eating disorder has been viewed as ‘severe’ now and after being referred over six times I finally got an appointment, which was cancelled due to the virus. I have also had to pre-order antidepressants two weeks in advance in case they become out of stock.”

In addition to this, Anonymous Y also reported a horrendous experience with mental health care due to COVID-19. They told me: “My zoom [therapy] sessions have been timed to 45 minutes strictly and my therapist did not go one minute over the time. Even if we were in the middle of something she would just cut me off which left me feeling hopeless for the rest of the week with no form of relief. The past 4 sessions have either been cancelled or cut short due to ‘technical difficulties’. I have reached out to my GP as I am in a very vulnerable position right now, but they have told me that there is no point in being added to a waiting list as they I have no idea when I would be seen, despite being a re-referral”.

My message to anyone reading this who may be in a similar position: You are not alone. It feels like the loneliest, most isolating experience in the world but I assure you that others are suffering through this too. It will not be a full replacement for therapy, but many charities and helplines are providing support to those suffering from mental health difficulties during the current pandemic.  I personally recommend the ‘Thought Diary’ app, which uses a CBT-style approach to allow you to record thoughts you are having and identify any possible cognitive distortions that you may be experiencing.

I wish I could offer better advice, but unfortunately this is something I’m still figuring out myself. It’s important to remember: don’t put pressure on yourself and take each day as it comes. This isn’t forever.