Managing Loneliness at Christmas

Ok so the festive season of Christmas and New Year are a bit tricky, as times of year go. The media-pedalled ‘dream’ of “the perfect Christmas” or “the absolutely best New Year’s Eve ever” – leave so many people including myself feeling drained and tired and as if they are a failure.

Over the last few months I’ve been consciously trying to put some balance back into my life and I’m already noticing a difference in me and the way I feel and cope with things. This is particularly important as we enter into the festive season, because for me, as many others find, this time of year isn’t always full of jollity and pleasure. Sometimes this time of year makes me lonely and sad. I miss people who aren’t here anymore, I have expectations in my head which are totally unrealistic when played out in real life and the loss of my usual routine can sometimes remove the very things I like to do and which anchor me in the present and help me to find balance. I also feel guilty for having so much when so many people have so little.

Trying To Feel Less Lonely & Calmer This Festive Season

This year I’ve decided to try something new… I’m going to be open to the experience of the season and listen to myself more than ever before. Self-care and my own wellbeing are going to be up there with making sure the family’s got a decent supply of Baileys and mince pies – I’m taking it that seriously. Now as I write this I feel selfish (which according to all the reading I’ve done on self-care is totally normal), but it also feels great. I’m actively taking control of situations ahead of time that I know are going to cause me stress and anxiety and putting things in place to help. And that means that in some cases I’m saying no and putting myself first.

Things I’m Trying

Here’s a few things I’m doing to help myself have a merry - and more relaxed - festive season. My plan is that in doing this I’ll feel less lonely and more in touch with myself and others. I hope that these ideas will help you too, to enjoy the festive season but in a way that’s healthy and balanced for you.

Buying a present - for me!

Yep that’s right I’m spending a little bit on myself. The point is to enjoy a special treat, not to break the bank. I’ve spent £10 and got some multi-purpose cream. It’s something I wouldn’t usually buy and it looks lovely in its box. For me it’s a little treat just for myself to enjoy. A gift of self-care for myself and for my skin.

switch off and relax

Take time to switch off and relax – “block it out” - Yes, this year, I’m trying out managing my diary. Life can get busy this time of year and my normal routines can become messed up and to be honest, I find that hard. So, I’m taking back a little control. I’m blocking in time in my diary all over the festive period; whether it’s the gym, going in to work (I love work and enjoy going), seeing one or two friends (who totally get how I feel this time of year – because they feel it too) and I’m even blocking in time to chill and enjoy a quiet time reading or watching TV.

Getting into nature

Often just for an hour getting out and enjoying some fresh air is really important to me. I prefer to do this alone. Enjoying solitude is a really good way for me to release some feelings of loneliness. Choosing to take some time to be outside, solo in the fresh air just helps clear my head and I find it really restorative.

Making Time to Chill

This year, i’m making sure to schedule in some chill time – Netflix, book, film – whatever it is I’m feeling like I’m saving a few shows, and a few books to enjoy quietly over the festive season. ‘Dumplin’’, ‘Mrs Wilson’, ‘Eleanor Oliphant is Fine’ – they’re all on my chill time list over the holidays. I can’t wait and the escapism they offer is something I feel like I’ll have earned.

Remember your Angels

I feel lonely over the holidays because I miss people who aren’t here anymore. They’re not here for a variety of reasons: death, choice, work etc. The flip-side of love is grief and loss, but knowing that doesn’t always help. So what I’m trying out this year is blocking some time to balance these emotions and give them time and space to be, but hopefully, without taking over the whole couple of weeks. I’m going to plan a visit to the grave of a loved one, perhaps a walk where I think about other people and take time to put out into the world positive thoughts and wishes for them and then journal when I’m feeling low. I’ll let you know if this works or not, it’s a new thing for me.

Give in to nostalgia for a little bit

So, I love ‘The Snowman’ and for me it’s not Christmas for me if I don’t watch it on Christmas Eve. I most of the time watch it on my own and enjoy a chocolate or two and a mulled wine, but for me it’s special. It reminds me of Christmas as a child and I remember the joy and purity of the festive season. For the duration of this and one or two other Christmas films (‘Home Alone’ and ‘Love Actually’), I just enjoy and embrace that moment of warm nostalgia and then crack on with the living in the present. A gift all of its own that I find all too easy to overlook at this time of year.

That’s it, these are the things I’m going to do and am doing already. I hope they’re helpful and inspire you to find your own happy balance this festive season.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Xx

By featured writer, Alcea, from ‘The Loneliness Conundrum’. See ‘Team’ for more information and contact details.