March’s Letter

“He who envies others does not achieve peace.” - Buddha

Welcome to March!

March oh glorious March! Spring has sprung; the plants are blooming, the sky is slowly but surely becoming more and more blue, the birds are singing once again and the bees are buzzing. What’s not to love?

Well nothing if you’ve happened to fall victim to the emerald pangs of jealousy and resentment for whatever reason – as we all sometimes do. And what can those two things otherwise be described as? You got it – envy.

Let’s talk about it…

Envy was defined by Aristotle as pain at the sight of another’s good fortune, stirred by “those who have what we ought to have.” (Roberts, 2000). Envy has also been described as one of the most potent causes of unhappiness (Russell, 1930). When someone becomes unhappy due to experiencing envy, they may also wish to inflict misfortune onto those around them who may be doing better than them, Russell explained. This can amass as acts of emotional abuse or violent criminality. Envy is also cited as being one of the Seven Deadly Sins in Christianity. When we become envious we may desire others' traits, status, abilities, or situation because we may hold a belief that other people are so much luckier, smarter, more attractive, or just better than us. Envy is also linked to the image of a dog and the colour green (why? I’m not sure – leave a comment at the end if you have the answer!).

Envy is clearly not good for us and arguably rots away at the foundations of our self-esteem, ability to be empathetic, kind, as well as experience optimism and resilience. Despite envy being generally conceptualised as something negative, Russell (1930) highlighted how envy could potentially be the reason behind humankind’s motivation for building economies and our complex societies. Therefore, at its core, is envy actually an evolutionary mechanism for us to better ourselves and our lives, manifested as a deep-seated need to “keep up with the Joneses”?

This is important to note as when we don’t care about what others have/do/achieve, what does this leave us as a species with to strive for? To work towards? To therefore evolve further as a by-product of this shifting and shaping of ourselves; our cognitive abilities, responses, and behaviours? As bad a wrap as being envious gets – is being jealous and unhappy with ourselves the key for attaining a better life and the highest version of ourselves; reflecting the evolutionary motto of “only the strong survive”?

I would argue not – at least in this climate. And that would be for one straight reason:

Social media.

Social media is a wonderful, amazing, freeing, relationship-based tool to:

Learn;
connect with friends;
access new opportunities;
become self-employed;
be creative;
improve our self-marketing skills;
share all of our locations;
spend endless minutes editing a picture for that perfect “candid” selfie;
checking-up on the lives of people we will never again meet in-person;
comparing our bodies to Photoshopped, Facetuned influencers who have additionally had thousands of £’s/$’s worth of surgery;
allowing the government and big businesses to harvest all of our data for…question mark?;
having our private conversations recorded and stored for targeted ads and political agendas to infiltrate our screens without permission and manipulate our perceptions of ourselves and society;
have AI and data-collection robots become so normalised that they have sneakily invaded our homes masked as ‘Amazon Echo’s’ and ‘Alexa’s’, and listen to everything we do and say – consequently outsourcing our independent thought and ability to problem solve.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Really think about it.

Excluding some of the above points surrounding AI and data harvesting for the purposes of this letter, it is clear that technology and social media can bring out the worst in us. It can cause significant feelings of insecurity, resentment, jealously, desire, bitterness, discontent, greed, and insincerity etc. – most of which can be used to describe the essence of what it means to experience envy.

So, how does this kind of envy push us forward and inspire us to be better? Or more specifically – how does this type of envy move the needle on humankind’s ability to evolve as a species for the good of ourselves, our future children, the planet and the other creatures we share this world with?

It doesn’t. And it doesn’t because of one reason: it stimulates a unique type of anxiety.

This anxiety disables our ability to perceive our social world for what it really is: limitless and ever-changing. Instead of naturally figuring life out day-by-day, working on our confidence, problem-solving skills, passions, values, knowledge and growing as individuals – we are adhering to daily scripts that we find online:

“What aesthetic can I adopt that is deemed so unusual and different, but still qualifies me as being part of the collective? What is my uniform?”

“What is a popular activity I can participate in/attend/consume that infers to strangers and people no longer in my life that I am fun, deep, interesting, carefree, and have lots of friends?”

“What body modification can I pay for or try to emulate on the cheap that will mean I fit within the parameters of what is currently considered attractive?”

“What is the best current pose everyone is doing, that I can copy to ‘up’ my selfie-game?”

“Will people laugh at me, or think I’m annoying or weird if I post ‘X’, talk about ‘X’, or don’t do ‘X’ when I’m doing ‘Y’? What is my uniform?”

“What is my uniform?”

We tend not to hear those words much, unless perhaps we are about to start a new school or job, but they are words that we repeat to ourselves daily:

“How can I fit in? How can I fit in but also be BETTER than everyone else? How can I look like THE person to be, and how can I make that move powerful, so that people will take notice and I can maintain that attention?”

This cycle we have found ourselves in online is toxic. There has always been an element of comparing ourselves to others and wanting to better ourselves because of that observation. But social media has arguably put that transaction on steroids. As a society we are continuously perpetuating this narrative of “prepare to compare”; ‘likes’ are now currency for self-worth and validity as to whether your life, social status, and position in the world is “worth it”. Is there any surprise that mental illness in recent years has sky rocketed, along with suicide rates, crime, social division, misogyny, sexism, sleep problems, eating issues, addiction, and loneliness…etc.? (e.g. Lowry et al., 2016; Primack, et al., 2017; Müller & Schwarz, 2017; Fulper et al., 2014; Woods & Scott, 2016; Sidani et al., 2016; Twenge et al., 2017).

I think not.

Let’s elaborate on this:

Instagram has been ranked as the worst social media platform when it comes to impacting young people's mental health (NHS, 2017). More than 6,000 children aged between 12-15 have been found to experience depression, anxiety, loneliness, aggression and anti-social behaviour due to heavy social media usage (Donnelly, 2019). Stats attained in 2018 found these following results from a sample of 1,141 teenagers aged between 13-17:

(Clement, 2019)

There are an abundance of studies available that show the impact of social media on the brain, and even how social media can become a source of addiction (I urge you to seek out some of this research for yourself!). Social media is a prolific all-encompassing tool with various platforms to get lost in. For example:

there are currently approx. 2 billion Facebook users;
around 500 million tweets are sent daily on Twitter;
95 million images are uploaded to Instagram daily;
Over 400 hours of content are uploaded per minute on YouTube.

(Wågström, 2018)

These numbers are staggering and actually reveal a lot about humans as social creatures and the addictive design of social media at its core. Wågström (2018) captures this point brilliantly:

“social media is addictive by design. Maximizing engagement is in their business model. The more time you spend scrolling and clicking, the better for business. The infinite newsfeed and notifications you receive are personalized to draw and keep you in. The more the advertiser has your attention, the more sales. And so on.

As it turns out, it has been easy to get people addicted. Here are some of the reasons why:

We are social creatures: The need to be connected and to interact with others is universal. The feeling of belonging is something we crave as human beings.
The need for validation: Whether it's "likes," "follows" or smile emojis, we are driven by validation for our behavior and the thoughts we share.
FOMO: The fear of missing out, a phenomenon first identified in 2000 by marketing strategist Dan Herman and later allegedly coined by Patrick McGinnis, is apparently one of the stronger drivers of social network use. According to a 2013 Fix infographic, 67% of users feared they would "miss something" without their social media fix.
The ego needs a platform: And social media is the perfect place for it. According to researchers, the ego desires recognition, which can, in turn, drive us to disclose our personal information, pictures of ourselves, etc. in order to earn "strokes."
Brain chemistry: Social networks are physically addictive as well as psychologically addictive. A study from Harvard University showed that self-disclosure online fires up a part of the brain that also lights up when engaging in pleasurable activities. In some studies, frequent social media usage has caused detrimental effects in other aspects of people’s lives, leaving some researchers to view the problem as an addiction.”

(Wågström, 2018)

From the points discussed, it’s clear to see how social media can easily become a cesspit and perfect breeding ground for the spores of envy – and the 6 other deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, and pride. Does it really come as a surprise that society is in the state it is today when the “norm” is to have multiple profiles across multiple social media platforms – each of which has their own individual sub-culture, agenda, and narrative of what it means and looks like to be part of an imaginary ‘in-group’ that is never quite reachable?

So where is you uniform?

Hopefully after reading this, it is in the trash where it belongs. You don’t need to adopt a new uniform – you were born with one that was and always will be uniquely yours; that is, always was, and always will be valid. It is your skin, your genetic coding, your smile, your humour, your taste, your education, your thoughts and feelings, beliefs, your family values and cultural traditions. It is everything you hold sacred and makes you so uniquely individual and beautiful. Treasure it and wear THAT uniform with honour and pride. You are not society’s piece of clay to mould and stab holes in.

You are you. And remarkably so.

You are different just like every single spring flower. So embrace your wonky petals, brightly coloured edges, tall gorgeous stems or flat stumpy leaves. Because you are beautiful and unique and crated just as you were meant to be. Embrace yourself and allow yourself to be re-born this spring, along-side with the re-birth of nature around you this season. Stretch your true branches and open up your blossoms to the sun, that is always stable and there to warm you and give you life - just as it has for every single being that has lived on this planet millions of years before us.

Social media is a façade. Life was fantastic and rich before it, and life is just as fruitful without it. Don’t let its content poison your perception of yourself or reality. Remember what is real and authentic and hold those values sacred. Disable the damaging apps - and the ones you insist on keeping – unfollow the trash and only visually consume what inspires you and encourages you to be happy, to feel inspired, accepted, and motivated. Your life is a gift – treasure it and nurture your own growth. Don’t get in the way of yourself for something that isn’t real and only exists on a screen.

And remember…

“Your diet isn’t only what you eat. It is what you watch, what you listen to, what you read, and the people you hang around. Pay attention to what you feeds your soul, not just your stomach” - unknown

- Samantha

References

Clement, J., 2019. Negative social media effects according to teenagers in the United States as of April 2018, by emotional well-being. Statista [online]. Available from: https://www.statista.com/statistics/934121/negative-social-media-effects-usa-teenagers-emotional-well-being/

Donnelly, L., 2019. Social media addicts behave like those addicted to drink and drugs (online). The Telegraph. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/01/10/social-media-addicts-behave-like-addicted-drink-drugs/

Fulper, R., Ciampaglia, G. L., Ferrara, E., Ahn, Y., Flammini, A., Menczer, F., 2014. Misogynistic Language on Twitter and Sexual Violence. School of Informatics and ComputingIndiana University, Bloomington, USA. Available from: http://yongyeol.com/papers/fulper2014misogynistic.pdf

Lowry, P. B., Zhang, J., Wang, C., Siponen, M., 2016. Why Do Adults Engage in Cyberbullying on Social Media? An Integration of Online Disinhibition and Deindividuation Effects with the Social Structure and Social Learning Model. Special Section: Ubiquitous IT and Digital Vulnerabilities [online]. 27(4), 665-991. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1287/isre.2016.0671

Müller, K., Schwarz, C., 2019. Fanning the Flames of Hate: Social Media and Hate Crime. SSRN [online]. Available from: http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.3082972

NHS, 2017. Instagram 'ranked worst for mental health' in teen survey (online). NHS. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-and-diet/instagram-ranked-worst-for-mental-health-in-teen-survey/

Primack, B. A., Shensa, A., Escobar-Viera, C. G., Barrett, E. L., Sidani, J. E., Colditz, J. B., James, A., E., 2017. Use of multiple social media platforms and symptoms of depression and anxiety: A nationally-representative study among U.S. young adults. Computers in Human Behaviour [online]. 67, 1-9. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2016.11.013

Robert, W. R., 2000. Rhetoric By Aristotle (online). Provided by The Internet Classics Archive. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/rhetoric.mb.txt

Russell, Bertrand (1930). The Conquest of Happiness. New York: H. Liverwright.

Twenge, J. M., Joiner, T. E., Rogers, M. L., Martin, G. N., 2017. Increases in Depressive Symptoms, Suicide-Related Outcomes, and Suicide Rates Among U.S. Adolescents After 2010 and Links to Increased New Media Screen Time. Clinical Psychological Science [online]. 6(1), 3–17. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702617723376

Wågström, G., 2018. Is Social Media Addiction Worse Than Cigarettes? [online]. Forbes. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbestechcouncil/2018/11/21/is-social-media-addiction-worse-than-cigarettes/#76ded8695d64

Woods. H. C., Scott, H., 2016. #Sleepyteens: Social media use in adolescence is associated with poor sleep quality, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Journal of Adolescence [online]. 51, 41-49. [Viewed 29 February 2020]. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.05.008