May’s Letter
May the 4th be with you! No one into Star Wars here? Anyone? No? Ok then.
Welcome to May!
I wanted to shift gear a little bit this month and pull away from talking too much about the current covid crisis, as I’m sure we are all quite sick of hearing about it at this point. Dwelling too much on the woes and the lows, only make room for more woes and lows. (Speaking of which – if you are struggling during this difficult time, check out our new COVID-19 Support section here, for everything you need to keep sane and entertained!).
So yes, COVID-19 sucks, but one of the benefits of quarantining, is the time we get to spend thinking and reflecting on our lives, the choices we have made, the directions we are going in, and our relationships.
Relationships, for many of us can be fickle. We may cycle through a fair number of partners and friends over the years that enrich our lives with gorgeous memories and life changing, character defining moments. However, when a relationship ends – after we have processed the pain and the loss - we can often find ourselves left in a state of intermittent mourning as we continue along our life path, in our ‘business as usual’ fashion. During these moments of ‘looking over our shoulder’, it’s easy to recycle memories over and again in our mind, questioning our importance to that person and our own identity; reliving what he or she did wrong, and psychoanalysing how we responded in an attempt to sew together some sense out of the shrapnel left behind us in time.
As time goes on, we may feel justified in our choices and accept our roles in history’s past. We move on and become distracted with new people in our lives, grand or fun opportunities, events, hobbies, parties, work and other day-to-day monotonous things. Then out of the blue, something or someone may bring up that particular person or event from your past, and you suddenly feel as if you have been brought straight back to that moment, as if you were always cemented in place back there and only just noticed where you have been standing all along. Everything you have learnt and how you have grown and evolved mentally and physically suddenly fades out of focus and morphs into the ‘you’ of a few years ago; the deeply buried and ‘healed’ emotions suddenly crack open again as if they were a nearly fresh wound and the resentment once again lifts its heavy, ugly head.
The reality of our past may be unpleasant and cause us significant disturbance. We may convince ourselves that we have made peace with our past, but still we – for some reason - gain some kind of sick enjoyment from picking at the same ancient wound. So why do we do it? Why do we keep flip flopping between forgiving and forgetting?
They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results - so why do we keep zipping up the same straitjacket?
If you have been spending some time alone with your thoughts during quarantine and reflecting on past hurts or disgruntlements, it’s important to recognise that your feet ARENT stuck in that cement, despite your life being somewhat static during this moment in time. You ARENT that person you once were who experienced that hurt, because that person no longer exists - they transcended and transformed into this beautiful, more robust, more experienced, wiser and kinder YOU.
The old you, the hurt you; the wronged, scorned, angry, resentful ‘you’, and that toxic or terrible situation you were in, wants the new and improved ‘you’ back so much – and that’s what’s triggering you on some unconscious or quantum level.
Your toxic past is losing you and it cannot bear it.
So what does this mean? It means that you can forgive, or you can forget – but you’ve got to make a choice as to which one. You can forgive yourself, that person, the situation, the bad luck - or if you can’t, you must allow yourself peace and closure by giving yourself permission to forget and to leave it in the past where it belongs as a staple in your memory; serving as a lesson and stepping stone for self-improvement, for the ‘you’ of now.
May is the last month of spring – the last month of re-birth, refreshing ourselves, and blooming. The next season (summer), is all about performing and putting that work up on stage, for the lights to hit us. Time alone to reflect can be invaluable to growth, but don’t let that process clip your wings and weigh you down. Rumination is the ultimate poison. Unless you are acting positively when ‘looking back’ to aid your personal growth, you are just harming yourself and damn wasting your time.
Just as the earth has been using this time of quarantine to renew and restore, you should be too. You have a choice during this season – to be reborn, put your demons to rest, to reflect and evolve, or to wallow in the ancient wreckage of a ‘you’ that died and transformed long ago. This life is too short, so don’t waste any more time living as a ghost haunting yourself with the pains of numerous yesterdays. Every day is a new opportunity to become stronger and happier – live your life just for you. May the force be WITHIN you.
- Samantha
Rebirth, Reflect, Evolve
